Communication Breakdown

I'm in the office working when I am typing this.

I really shouldn’t be typing this now but I really am in the mood of typing something while waiting for the next call to come in. Yeah that’s life in a call center on a Friday servicing ANZ market in the afternoon. Had a little chat with a friend during lunch about a little problem that she had with the boyfriend yesterday. It seemed quite serious before she talked about it. However when she told me about it seems like such a minor thing for
me. Maybe that’s because I’m an outsider so I can look at it quite calmly about it, while of course her who is caught right within is a little lost. 

The story is fairly simple. Her sister is sick and needs to be hospitalized. So somehow she sent a text message to the boyfriend telling him where she is and she has to take care of the sister’s kid and that’s causing her a headache. Now, there’s obviously something isn’t right here because when you try to text your boyfriend with your hands full carrying a baby having a headache and tried to text your boyfriend while you are already poor with putting things into words, things could go horribly wrong.

 And it did.


The meaning from the text message the boyfriend managed to decipher from that messed up text message was:

“I am having a headache and it’s so serious that I am now in hospital.”
 
Oops.
 
This boyfriend is a sweet guy that cares.
 
Oops.
 
He cares soooo much.
 
Oops.
 
And then he panicked.
 
Big OOOPS.
 
The poor fella tried to clarify before he pressed the panic button but obviously our dear friend didn’t realized it at that time she has replied a couple more text messages without clarifying. So the boyfriend really pressed
the panic button and decided to rush to the hospital to check on the beloved girlfriend.

Anyway, the situation finally got clarified when he was in his car on the way rushing to the hospital. No surprise that he got quite upset about it after he found out it was a false alarm. Which is fair.


So there was a whole lot of drama going on after that and my friend seems to be having a problem calming down this love beast of hers. So this morning she requested for help. Which subsequently ended up with me having lunch with her to hear her story.


I am no love doctor, so what I did was to offer some solutions from  what I understand in a logical way.


The boyfriend is upset because he cares and he thinks she toyed with her feelings. Which also means that he’s upset because he kinda thinks she is not taking him as seriously. From a guy’s perspective I also think that he got upset part of it is because he found himself so cares so much about this girl that he’s only been dating for a month.

So, the problem is, he is upset because he does not feel important.


Tadaa, problem identified. So what’s the solution?


I said: make him feel important.


Wow, sounds easy.


So she asked how. I had to scratch my head because I have no idea, because I’m not the one dating this guy. So I thought, tell him he’s important. Communicate the message. The trick is, to communicate that message effectively.

So what I suggested was really simple, get him to somewhere that nothing can possibly distract him, preferably somewhere that will have not hot babes walking by, and somewhere without a bed. Who knows what distracts an angry guy. First get his full attention, then tell him she's sorry, then tell him how she feels, then tell him how she cares about him as well. Be frank.

Then I told her. You're on your own. Cant help anymore.

The reason I’m telling the story is not because I want to saw how over reacting the boyfriend was or how insensitive the girlfriend was. What I am trying to say is that from this story we can see how important communication is for a 2 person in a relationship. I know I’m not even in a position to offer these kinda advises to be frank because I cant even get myself a date. Probably part of the reason is I can communicate easily to a girl that I like her and so she'd be scared away but that's besides the point.

I always like to bring up a fact that in a relationship the looks are always just temporary, they are for you to get each others attention when you first met. Then for the rest of your life it's the talking that allows you to communicate your souls. Be honest to your partners and discuss matters openly. When your partner did something that you are not happy about, tell him/her that you are not happy and then work out a solution that works for you both. Sulking is the most childish thing you can ever do. We are no psychics, none of us are.

So ladies and gentlemen, there's no excuse for you to be not good in communication, especially in a relationship. If you cant speak well, learn. If you cant write well, learn. Learn to communicate assertively. For you can't blame anyone when your relationship failed because you said the wrong things or same the right things in the wrong ways.

For the friend that I tried to help, good luck with your little chat with your boyfriend.

For other friends that are already communicating well with your other half, congrats and I believe you guys are going to have a happy relationship, and wish you live happily ever after.

No I don't have a girlfriend, just to answer someone's question. Girls I like tend to run away from me when I told them I like them. Shrugs

Signing off.